Wrestling Nonsense: Top 3 Celebrity Deathmatch Wins

1) Bigfoot Vs Loch Ness Monster

Season 1, Episode 3

Before the internet, we had to rely on actual books (shout out to Tales of the Unexplained) to learn about mythical creatures. At 10 years old I was fascinated by the subject & as with most things, schoolyard discussions would inevitably lead to ‘who would win between…’ arguments. Little did I know, but 5 years later I would find out!

The hype for these 2 beasts was real. Comparing size and height and weight to determine who would win and how was…oh…Loch Ness Monster just went medieval on everyone, using his tail, in mere seconds. Well. Did not see that coming #SquashMatch

2) Stone Cold Steve Austin Vs Vince McMahon

Season 1, Episode 9

The Rattlesnake Vs The Chairman was arguably the defining story arch during those glorious years know as The Attitude Era. As good as this was, what if they were to actually get their hands on each other. No holds barred. Away from the WWE universe. Well, thankfully Celebrity Deathmatch had that answer for us, and it did not disappoint.

Vince McMahon is hit with the Stone Cold Stunner, which leads to a broken neck! (it’s about time that move was a literal killer) Austin then beats the limp corpse further using the Undertakers tombstones. He then throws the pieces into a casket, drags it out into a field and sets it on fire! If that doesn’t scream ‘Attitude Era’ i don’t know what does.

3) Ron Jeremy Vs Tommy Lee Jones

Season 2, Episode 12

The 90s were the start of the downfall for adult films on VHS. The rise of the internet and celebrity worship brought us a rather interesting mix of the above in the form of the ‘Celebrity Sex Tape’. That’s right, gone were the days of watching adult performers. We wanted to watch the famous get it on! and that’s where this fight came from.

For those unaware, Ron Jeremy is/was a top Adult Entertainer (so I’m told) and Tommy Lee (the Motley Crue drummer) released a very famous sex tape featuring his then partner, Pamela Anderson. A tape so infamous it’s regularly referenced in TV, film & music videos! But we need to settle who is the ‘Cock of the Walk’ once and for all…Deathmatch style.

In a nutshell (no pun intended) both men don rooster costumes (It’s a “cock” fight) in an underground dirt ring. With a bit of banter & light 1-on-1 action, Ron Jeremy is eventually sabbed in the eye by Tommy Lees…erection. Giving the drummer the win.

And on that note, that’s the end of this article. But who knows, there may be more Celebrity Deathmatch countdowns in the future. So make sure you stick around and follow me on Twitter for more Wrestling Nonsense