WWE RAW 5.27.19: Nothing Is Going To Change

Kofi Kingston comes out. So are we to assume that the Wild Card Rule for RAW is going to be Roman, Kofi and 2 other people? Kofi says he is here for Brock Lesnar when he chooses his opponent. Kofi says he wants to be the best WWE Champ of all time, and he couldn’t think of a better way to do that then beat Brock Lesnar. Kofi wants Lesnar to come out and cash in.

Seth Rollins comes out and wants the same answer. So again, these guys are begging Brock to cash in on them.So out comes Brock Lesnar. He is playing the Money in the Bank briefcase like a boombox. He is dancing with it and they switch to generic salsa music. Okay, this is pretty hilarious. It then switches to both Champs theme songs. Seth is obviously not trying to corpse. This is pretty funny. Rollins leaves. Heyman says now they won’t announce who he is cashing in on as Brock and Heyman leave.

Dolph Ziggler decides to sneak attack Kofi again and hits a ZigZag on the stage. He goes to grab a chair but out comes Xaiver Woods to stop him as they fight into a sudden commercial. Back from commercial, Dolph attacks Xaiver who is helping Kofi to the back. We are twenty minutes in and half of it has been Dolph and Xaiver brawling. They go through the crowd then back to the ring where Dolph hits Kofi with a chair. I bet Vince is wondering why they aren’t chanting W-W-E like the AEW crowd chanted A-E-W for the Omega/Moxley brawl Saturday. Dolph goes to take out Xaiver for good until Kofi runs out with a chair, and we cut to ANOTHER commercial. We are now 30 minutes in.

We are back from commercial and Dolph is out on the stage yelling at Kofi. Dolph says every time he says Kofi with the WWE Title it reminds Dolph that it should have been him. Dolph asks what happens to all of Kofi’s fans when he takes the WWE Title from Kofi. Dolph once again says it should have been him. So they just did the top Smackdown Live angle on RAW.

There’s a geek party in the back. Oh I guess it is an Usos Memorial Day Party.

Shane McMahon is wrestling. Oh joy. They call it a rare wrestling appearance. I wish they were extinct.

We get an extremely long Triple H/Orton history package. Still doesn’t make anything these two did interesting.

Shane starts talking about the family history of Roman Reigns. The crowd starts chanting “This Is Boring” and I don’t blame him. 50 minutes in now. Shane is fighting Lance Anao’i, who is apparently a member of the Reigns family tree. Is this a rib on Lance Von Erich? Drew McIntyre takes him out. So I guess we still aren’t getting a wrestling match. The crowd chants “This Is Awful” and “A-E-W” during this abomination. Shane wins and beats up this Lance guy until Roman Reigns comes out, so we are up to four from Smackdown. Shane hit a couple elbows, which looked just like the Judas Effect.

Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman come out again. Seth Rollins interrupts him. Rollins calls Brock a joke and a coward. Lesnar smacks the contract out of Heyman’s hands. Brock apparently didn’t know he had a whole year to cash in the contract. Brock says “screw you” and leaves.

The 24/7 Parade comes running through to nothing.

ACTUAL WRESTLING! It’s Becky Lynch and Nikki Cross vs The IIconics. The IIconics work over Nikki early on in the match. Nikki fights back and takes out both of them with a crossbody off the apron. Becky gets the hot tag and goes to work. Becky gets the win for her team then Lacey Evans comes out then walks away.

Apparently everyone is back at the Usos Block Party. Naomi invited The Revival to the party to squash their beef with the Usos.

Ricochet vs Cesaro Ricochet hits a nice hurricarrana then follows it up with a running moonsault over the ropes. Back from commercial Cesaro has the upper hand. I HATE when they do that. It is only for a bit as Ricochet hits a nice springboard clothesline and a standing shooting star press for two. Ricochet goes to the top but Cesaro greets him with a couple of uppercuts. Cesaro counters a superplex and knocks Cesaro off the top. Cesaro moves out of the way of the 630 then hits a charging uppercut sending Ricochet into the corner. Cesaro lifts Ricochet up but Ricochet counters into a code red for two. Ricochet ends up on the outside in a handstand position. Cesaro lifts him up but Ricochet hits a hurricarrana into a pinfall for the win. Just let these guys go for an hour.

Apparently Rey Mysterio is giving up the US Title next week. Weren’t we suppose to find out TONIGHT what is happening?

The Usos are playing cornhole with The Revival. The problem is they are playing way too close together for it to be a legit game.

Fatal 4 Way to determine the #1 Contender for the Universal Title. It’s Lashley vs Braun Strowman vs Baron Corbin vs The Miz. Miz hits the Yes Kicks on Lashley and Corbin until they both get up and take him out. Oh I guess this is elimination rules? Who knew? There are more than two people in this match so we get the tower of doom spot because we have to. Braun dropkicks both Lashley and Corbin. He goes for the running shoulder tackle on the outside but Lashley knock him down.

Back from commercial and Lashley hits a vertical suplex on the Miz. Miz fights back and hits a couple double running knees then a corner clothesline. Baron Corbin comes back in and hits a Deep Six. In comes Strowman who takes out both men with running slams in the corner. Lashley and Strowman end up brawling into the back. Miz gets a couple near falls on Corbin. Miz hits a couple running knees then Corbin hits the End of Days for the win. Wasn’t this an elimination match? So just because Lashley and Braun brawled to the back it is over? STUPID.

Firefly Funhouse. Bray said his special friend is called the Fiend. He’s there to help him when he is lonely. Bray then calls Sister Abigail a bully and does the limbo doing the reverse crab walk. Kind of a letdown of a segment.

So we have a segment called “The Electric Chair’ where no questions are off limits. We all know how well these segments go over. If this was real, someone would ask about AEW. And as I was typing that, Sami says someone could ask him about AEW. Someone asked him about Seth Rollins too so we get a Rolins/Zayn match. They said it was impromptu but I swear I remember seeing this advertised on Twitter.

Zayn controls the match early on with some hard kicks to the face of Rollins. Brock is still here in the back. Rollins tries fighting back but they go to the outside where Zayn pushes Rollins into the post. Back from break Rollins catches Zayn with a quick superkick and starts his comeback and connects with a Slingblade. Rollins follows it up with a Blockbuster and a couple dives. But Rollins lands awkwardly on his knee so he starts selling it. Zayn plants him with a DDT. Zayn applies a Figure Four but Rollins breaks it. Zayn follows up with a Blue Thunder Bomb for two. Rollins is able to fight back and hit two Stomps on Zayn for the win. Again, they play the please stay for Brock card and he doesn’t show up. People aren’t going to keep staying for that.

Until Next Time,

Justin C

Follow Me On Twitter @JCWonka