WWE RAW 5.13.19: The Review For Those Who Didn’t Read Spoilers

The show starts with MizTV. Miz does a cookie cutter babyface promo then invites out Roman Reigns. Reigns takes almost as long as the Undertaker would to walk to the ring. Both men talk about how they never used to get along but they both hate Shane McMahon. Shane then comes out, says MizTV is over, and Lashley and Elias sneak attack them from behind. Yuck. Can you imagine a more boring heel tag team? We then of course get a tag team match and somewhere Teddy Long is smiling.

So we have this tag match. And you have these two boring heels, and two guys who are faces that I wouldn’t really consider the crowd to be fully behind. At one point Miz does his Miz Kicks to Lashley and Elias and Lashley is just sitting there with the most bored look on his face. He’s not even selling fatigue before the kicks. Literally just kneeling there. Then immediately after, the heels get the upper hand on Miz. The WWE didn’t even bother piping in crowd noise for this match as the heels work over Miz. The first thing we hear back from break is a Renee Young “HEY”. Miz goes for a tag but Shane pulls Roman off the ropes and throws him into the steps, causing a DQ. The heels beat down Miz until Reigns does his over the top rope dive onto all of them. But then the heels get the upper hand again until Miz comes in with a chair. Please don’t tell me Shane is winning Sunday.

We actually get a pretty decent Rollins/Styles video package hyping up their Universal Title match this Sunday.

Braun Strowman is interviewed. Charlie asks him about possibly seriously hurting Sami Zayn last week. Did she not watch Smackdown? Braun says he is only disappointed he didn’t murder Zayn (okay not in those exact words but you get it). Some production geek tells Braun that Shane wants to see Braun in his office.

Back from break Sami Zayn says he wants to fight Braun for his Money in the Bank spot. Sami even wants a Falls Count Anywhere match. Braun agrees.

Mojo squashes Apollo Crews. MOJO ON RAW, GET HYPED!

Alexa Bliss luggage is lost again. Random Normal Nikki Cross shows up and talks to her. Nikki ends up taking Alexa’s place in the Fatal 4 Way match later.

Contract signing for both women’s matches. Becky insults both women. Charlotte says Becky can’t get enough accolades for herself. Lacey says she is the only one showed up dressed appropriately. Lacey makes fun of the fans. And guess what? It ends in a brawl with the blonde wonder twins getting the better of Becky and Charlotte power bombing Becky through the table.

Ricochet vs Baron Corbin. Corbin is so bad that he has to do the same announcer gimmick as Shane McMahon. Ricochet is too quick for Corbin early and he hits a moonsault on the outside. But Corbin catches him with a clothesline back in the ring. I don’t even remember what happened after the break because Corbin pinned Ricochet. Clean. Who the fuck sees anything in Baron Corbin? It isn’t even heel heat. We might have to replace the term “X-Pac Heat” with “Baron Corbin Heat.”

Roman Reigns package followed by AJ Styles saying he is winning Sunday.

Women’s Fatal 4 Way. All four of them do those in screen promos and they are baaaaddd. Yes, even Alexa’s was bad. Nikki Cross replaced Alexa in the match because Alexa’s luggage is supposedly lost. Hey I’d rather have that then her wrestling with her shoes untied. If the wrestling in this match is any indication the Money in the Bank match Sunday is going to be bad. Dana Brooke pulls out a ladder and jumps off it onto the other women. Nikki ends up winning and beating Natty. Why? I like Nikki Cross but why is she winning if it doesn’t lead to her being in the match. Alexa comes down after the match and climbs up and poses with the briefcase.

Rey Mysterio vs Cesaro. Rey’s outfit isn’t doing him any favors. He looks a bit pudgy in the stomach. Cesaro swings Rey into both sides of the barricade. Cesaro then hits a nice vertical suplex while holding Rey on the ropes. Why Cesaro never gets a push is beyond me (but if you start reading my Alternate Universe posts it will happen in a few months). Cesaro blocks a 619 attempt and does the swing. Cesaro goes for the Swiss-1-9 but Rey ducks it. Cesaro hits an uppercut as Rey comes off the top. Rey counters the Neutralizer into a 619 and dive off the top for the win. Not a bad little match.

The Revival tell The Usos the fun and games are over, and if they ever want to find out who the better tag team is, they aren’t hard to find.

Firefly Funhouse: Bray says he has a secret and it is almost time to show the world what he’s really been working on. Bray says he’s learned how to control his darkness. He then appears in a leather jacket and creepy horror movie like mask. See, now this has my attention. But I can’t put faith in the follow up from the WWE’s end.

Seth Rollins says he used to look up to AJ Styles. But after this Sunday, AJ will be looking up to him.

Braun Strowman vs Sami Zayn in a Falls Count Anywhere match is the main event. Winner is in the Money in the Bank match. Sami runs away after getting knocked over on the outside a few times. Zayn pulls the ultimate heel move and takes some guys beer and throws it at Braun. They brawl in the arena concourse when Corbin comes out and beats up Braun with a trash can. Braun goes through a merch table but still kicks out at two. They go back down through the crowd then backstage. Drew McIntyre attacks and DDT’s Braun onto an open chair. Braun drops a cooler onto Drew. We’re back on the stage area where Braun drops a bunch of ladders on Sami. Corbin and McIntyre come back out and attack Braun. They end up suplexing Braun onto the ladder. McIntyre finishes Braun with a Claymore and they all pin Braun. They went out of their way to protect Braun here. I’m curious as to why Braun is out of the match, which is now heavy on heels. Braun gets up and chokeslams Zayn through the announce table.

The bright spots were Cesaro/Rey, the main event was alright. And I’m a Mojo mark so I liked seeing him.

The opening half hour was baaaddd, as was the women’s match.

I’d call RAW a mixed bag this week, with it more towards the bad side.

Until Next Time,

Justin C

Follow Me On Twitter @JCWonka