Justin C Watches WWE RAW 12.3.18

So, remember how I did those WCW shows during my WCW rewatch and just kind of shit on the product as the show went along? Well, given the current state of RAW I’m going to try and do that tonight. No way I’m going to get three key stories out of this show.

Plus side of things: We aren’t starting with Baron Corbin. But we are starting with Botchy Jax. She’s out with her partner Tamina who I don’t think I have ever seen show any kind of emotion during her WWE tenure. Oh wait. Here comes the Riott Squad with a table. The heels take out Ronda and Natty. Natty ends up getting powerbombed through the table. Haven’t we seen this same script like the last three weeks? The Riott Squad attacks then loses in an actual match. So the bell never rang so we don’t get a match? I bet it happens later!

And when we come back from break guess what we get? A RECAP! Natty is backstage with Ronda, uh, selling I guess? She sounds like she is out of breath. Ronda asks for some help. I guess she wants a Z-pack or something.

Out comes Alexa Bliss. She’s honestly been the best part of RAW in recent weeks just because she looks so damn good in her GM outfits. Oh no, she wants to do another open forum. That was awful the last time. Maybe Bayley and Alexa just shouldn’t do segments together. This guy asks them about Sasha using Bayley and they laugh it off. They say they want to fight Trish and Lita. Now this guy asks about what super powers they want. Who wrote this shit? Bayley and Sasha say they want to be tag Champs. Out run Mickie, Alicia and Dana. Remember when Dana turned heel? Yeah neither do I. Alexa makes Sasha and Bayley vs Mickie and Alicia. Graves sounds like this is some major thing. Okay buddy calm down.

Sasha Banks and Bayley vs Mickie James and Alicia Fox

Actual wrestling on a wrestling show? Sure why not. Alicia hits the best Northern Lights suplex in the business early in the match so it can only go down hill. The heels work over Bayley until she makes the hot tag to Sasha. Mickie breaks up the Banks Statement. Bayley comes in and does some work. Mickie clears Bayley but Bayley makes a blind tag as Sasha hits the back stabber and then Bayley hits the Bayley-to-Belly for the win. Standard TV match.

They advertise tonight being “Drew McIntyre Appreciation Night.” They also plan on chronicling Baron Corbin’s Rise to Power next. Time to switch to the Sabres game.

Oh god, the Sabres game went to commercial and this Corbin video package is still going. It’s as bad as you could imagine. I would rather watch an hour of political ads. I guess Ronda needs a new tag partner for later too.

Corbin says Roode and Gable can get a match tonight if Roode beats Drake Maverick later. I bet it is a pissing contest. Or is that what I am going to be doing during the match?

The Revival vs Lucha House Party

I’m fully convinced Vince Russo is booking the Lucha House Party. Pinatas and candy? Come on. Couldn’t be more stereotypical. The Revival want a regular tag match but this match is under Lucha House rules. Are these rules sanctioned by every state? And why doesn’t the Revival just quit? I hear there might be a new promotion starting up. Lucha House Party wins and the Revival get jobbed out yet again.

Baron Corbin is out. He says he is proof that if you believe in yourself you can accomplish anything. Actually Baron you’re proof that if you are tall Vince will give you a push. At least it isn’t Big Cass I guess? Corbin awards McIntyre with the RAW Gold Medal of Excellence. What does that get Drew? Probably nothing. McIntyre runs down the fans like a typical heel would. In actuality McIntyre should be more than that.

Dolph Ziggler comes out. He complains about not getting invited to this. McIntyre says Dolph wasn’t invited and he doesn’t meet the height requirement. You know Vince wrote that joke. McIntyre runs down Dolph and said he used Dolph to get to the top and now he upgraded. Going from Ziggler to Corbin is an upgrade? Says who? Dolph Zig Zags McIntyre and leaves but Corbin makes a match between the two. Remember when this could have been built to something relevant? Yeah me too.

Dolph Ziggler vs Drew McIntyre

I switched over to the Sabres game and missed the first few minutes of this. I come back and Drew is running Dolph down again. Drew says he is going to pretend Dolph is someone he doesn’t like: Finn Balor. I’m going to pretend that they aren’t giving Drew these awful lines to say. McIntyre beats up Dolph a little more but then Balor comes out and we go to commercial.

Hey the Sabres tied the game! Cool! I switched back to RAW and it looks like I missed nothing. McIntyre catches Ziggler off the top but Ziggler hits a DDT for two. But Dolph’s offense is short lived. McIntyre crotches him on the barricade. Balor dropkicks McIntyre into the barricade but he beats the count of 10 in. But Ziggler catches McIntyre with a superkick coming back in and gets the win. Really? I don’t care if Balor played a role. That is not how I would have had McIntyre lose his first singles match. But this is WWE. I’m not surprised.

Elias comes out. He does his schtick. Lashley and Lio Rush come out. They do their schtick. Elias attacks Lashley and awkwardly holds his guitar as he chases Lashley away. Elias then smashes his guitar over Lio. Oh look, it was Finn Balor who tossed Lio onto the stage.

Jinder Mahal is backstage with Corbin. Eww. I can’t think of a worse combo on RAW. Jinder wants a match with Finn. Oh no Finn, avoid a concussion punch. In comes Rhyno and Heath Slater. Corbin tells them that there is only enough room on RAW for one of them. He makes a match between them. You know RAW is in bad shape when these two are getting a match.

Bobby Roode vs Drake Maverick

Roode comes out without a robe. We all have seen him come out in different color robes before so we all know this is BS. They cut to backstage where AOP is beating up Chad Gable. Corbin comes in and says it is now a 3-on-2 handicap match. Okay then. AOP comes out. Then Gable. And Maverick pins Roode. I almost want to turn on 2000 WCW.

We get a horn that makes me think Scott Steiner is coming out. But damn it, it is just some guys in gas masks and then Dean Ambrose looking like a Dollar Store Bane. I bet Vince just saw Dark Knight Rises this week. Ambrose says he is wearing the mask to protect him from the diseases you people have. But then he takes the mask off and says Seth was needy, just like you people. Ambrose says he is done taking people at face value and he is going to be the moral compass of WWE. Ambrose said he will take the IC Title and it will fall into his hands. Out comes Seth Rollins who takes out the swat team. The crowd finally sounds like it has come alive. Rollins and Ambrose brawl into the crowd. Rollins gets the upper hand until Ambrose catches him with a gas mask to the face. He delivers a Dirty Deeds on the floor, then one in the ring. Hey, that segment wasn’t too bad.

Nia tells Charlie that she wished Charlie was Ronda’s partner tonight, not Ember Moon. She then YELLS INTO THE MIC THAT SHE IS TAKING BACK WHAT’S MINE. Why oh why do we give Botchy Jax a live mic every week.

Heath Slater beats Rhyno in a quick match and now Rhyno doesn’t have a job. Alright. Baron Corbin says Slater is now a referee, not a wrestler. So so stupid.

Finn Balor vs Jinder Mahal

30 seconds in we get a commercial. Oh boy. Smell the excitement. I guess Apollo helped Finn win. I was watching the end of the Sabres game. Faces actually helping faces this week? Huh who knew you could do that!

Drew McIntyre attacks Finn Balor backstage. There are a bunch of empty kegs backstage. They are from all the fans drinking watching tonight’s show.

Nia Jax and Tamina vs Ronda Rousey and Ember Moon

Nia and Tamina attack Ronda during Ember’s entrance. The faces recover and take them out. If you guessed the heels were in control back from break, then you win a gold star! Nia is on offense for way too long. It is like watching a whale move in slow mo. She’s trying to trash talk Ronda but it sounds super fake. Ronda gets the hot tag and goes to work. Ronda says she wants Nia and to tag her. Nia comes in but she goes and tags Tamina. Ronda hits a punch in the corner then a running knee that whiffs big time. Nia gets taken care of. Ember hits Tamina with the Eclipse then Ronda locks in the armbar for the win.

Not as bad as last week. But that isn’t saying much. There wasn’t a good match and it really felt like nothing worthwhile happened. At least the faces helped each other out this week.

Until Next Time,

Justin C

Follow Me On Twitter @JCWonka