Justin C Watches WCW Starrcade 2000

Yes, I’m back. I took a break from watching WCW in the lead up to Wrestlemania. And it took me awhile to try and talk myself into watching this again. I knew I had only four months left but I kept putting it off. But I’m finally back.

When we last left, Scott Steiner was finally crowned WCW Champion at Mayhem. And he remains pretty much the only entertaining thing on the show. Goldberg is on his new streak, but he is also in a feud with Lex Luger. DDP is teaming with Kevin Nash, but everyone wishes it was Scott Hall. And we are getting no reason to care about the WCW mid card because just like in 1997/1998, no one can break through.

And in typical WCW fashion, Sting and Booker T are on the poster for this show and nowhere to be found.

Ladder Match For A Shot At The WCW Cruiserweight Championship: 3 Count vs The Jung Dragons vs Karagias and Noble

Here are the only six guys probably putting 100% effort into WCW these days. So this is a tag team match, but it involves only one guy getting a Title shot. Are we sure Russo isn’t booking still? There are some botches early on. Kaz Hayashi is suppose to get back flipped onto a ladder but he doesn’t flip and lands head first. Everyone hits a dive to the outside. Karagias powerslams Hayashi off a ladder. Poor guy is taking all the punishment in this match. Noble hits a sunset flip powerbomb on Helms. Moore and Yang battle on top and Moore hits a neckbreaker off the top. Chavo calls it one of the best ladder matches he’s ever seen. I guess he hasn’t watched WWE at this time yet. A ladder gets set up between two ladders. Moore kips up and head scissors Yang off it. Helms and Moore knock everyone else off and grab the contract together. Teamwork! These guys killed each other and themselves. And the crowd didn’t really care unfortunately.

Lance Storm vs Ernest “The Cat” Miller

Poor Lance Storm. You know, if WCW was smart, they would have pushed Storm when he came in. But once again, the good Canadian wrestler got shoved down the card (see: Chris Benoit). The Cat and Ms.Jones dance before the match. Major Gunns pulls down the Cat. Ms. Jones challenges Gunns to a fight in the ring but Lance Storm stops it. Storm gets the upper hand and has to make The Cat look good in the ring. Cat starts a comeback, but Primetime Elix Skipper puts an end to that. The action goes to the outside. Ms. Jones accidentally takes out the ref. Then she takes out Major Gunns by throwing him into the guardrail. Out comes Jim Duggan, who has had problems with Storm recently. Duggan goes to use the 2×4, drops it, then lightly taps Miller. Storm rolls into a Canadian Maple Leaf and The Cat taps.

After the match, Storm attacks Duggan. I pretty much have to ask why Jim Duggan is even being used in angles in 2000 at this point.

Buff Bagwell is apparently the new interviewer. I missed when they fired Pamela whats her name. Bagwell says the people in WCW must realize they needed his face for ratings. Except they are on PPV.

Hardcore Championship: Crowbar (c) vs Terry Funk

If we didn’t need more old guys, here comes Terry Funk! Before the match, Crowbar asks Daffney why she isn’t wearing her 70s clothes. Daffney says the gimmick is making him soft, while Crowbar says it is the hottest gimmick in wrestling. Ugh.

Funk is throwing Crowbar around as well as a man his age could. So poorly. He puts Crowbar on a crate and it lightly travels five feet to nowhere. They fight in the back of a truck. Funk tosses Crowbar out onto a table. Crowbar slams a car door onto Funk, then slams an actual door into Funk’s head. Funk no-sells then slams the same door four times into Crowbar’s head. Crowbar then takes three stiff, unprotected chair shots to the head. Crowbar is handcuffed and defenseless. Apparently they are trying to recreate Rock/Foley with this. Except no one cares about Crowbar. Funk puts Crowbar on a table but Daffney pulls him off. Funk goes after Daffney but Crowbar hits him with a chair. Crowbar chokes him then slingshots to the outside on Funk through a table but it is only two. Funk hits one more unnecessary, unprotected chair shot for the win.

Team Canada is interviewed. Major Gunns fumbles over her line. Gene tells her if she sticks around longer, he will let her fly her Canadian flag on another pole. Oh Gene, still here for the paychecks.

Big Vito and Reno w/Marie vs Kronik

Vito and Reno were revealed to be brothers, and Marie is their sister. Kronik considers themselves paid assassins at this point. They say before the match that they plan on being paid in full after the match, to Marie. Marie denies it, but she’s pretty much corpsing and smiling while doing it. Way to sell it there.

If you have seen one Kronik match, you have seen one too many Kronik matches. Kick, punch, slam, punch, kick again. Both members try to ask Marie about the money during the match but they deny it. It is so quiet I think you can hear the air vents in the MCI Center. This match is putting me to sleep. Out come the Natural Born Thrillers. Reno gets the hot tag to no reaction, then turns on Big Vito. Kronik gets the win and Reno pays off Kronik. And no one cares. WCW has given us zero reason to care about their product so far.

Chavo attacks Helms and Moore backstage.

Ambulance Match: Bam Bam Bigelow vs “That 70’s Guy” Mike Awesome

Mark Madden says Bam Bam has been used as a stepping stone in the past, like for Lawrence Taylor. What? That makes zero sense. They quickly go to the outside, because neither of these guys are mat technicians at this point in their careers. They “brawl” to the ambulance, and I put that in quotes because these two are barely hitting each other. Bigelow punches through one of the ambulance windows. They go back to the ring for some reason. The crowd chants boring. I mean, they aren’t wrong. Bigelow backdrops Awesome through a table. Crowd still doesn’t care. They go back to the ambulance. The best part is the driver just chilling watching all of this. They rip off the lights from the ambulance. Awesome hits Bigelow with it and he goes through the roof of the ambulance so Awesome wins.

The Thrillers are interviewed. Gene says he is going to slap the shit out of Sanders one of these days. Gene is the most over part of this show so far.

United States Championship: General Rection (c) vs Shane Douglas

Torrie Wilson was accidentally taken out by General Rection, so he immediately becomes less interesting. Speaking of things that aren’t interesting, here comes General Rection. Can you imagine paying for this show at this point? I would love to meet someone that did. Rection applies a bearhug, because this is a 1960s wrestling match. The hold is broken and reapplied again. I was going to save my beer for RAW but I might need to go get it now. Rection gets crotched going for a moonsault. Douglas applies a chin lock. MORE RESTHOLDS! Rection slams Douglas head first into the post and it busts Douglas open. Chavo comes out and tosses Douglas his chain, then Chavo turns the ref around so he can see it. This gets Douglas DQ’d. Douglas then takes out both men with the chain. He then gets run out by the rest of the MIA. No one knows what is happening. And most in the crowd don’t care.

Bunkhouse Brawl/Filthy Animals Street Fight: Jeff Jarrett and the Harris Twins vs The Filthy Animals

Earlier in the night, Jarrett said he didn’t want a Filthy Animals Street Fight. So it is now also a Bunkhouse Brawl. Is there even a fucking difference? There is a bar setup in the ring. Kidman stuffs Jarrett in the popcorn maker at ringside. Mysterio hits a Bronco Buster on both Harris Twins, but then gets a boot in the nuts from Jarrett. Kidman and Rey slam Jarrett through the bar. It breaks perfectly into square pieces. Jarrett ends up powerbombing Rey into a dumpster. All of the sudden, the referee tries to make this a tag match and puts everyone in their corners. Really? Why would the wrestlers all of the sudden agree to this? All of the sudden this breaks into a wrestling match for some reason. Rey comes out of the dumpster with a broom. But ends up getting H-Bombed through a table. Kidman comes in and takes out Jarrett. He goes to the top, but one of the Harris Brothers breaks an alcohol bottle over Kidman’s head. Jarrett hits the Stroke for the win. Harmless brawl, but trying to make it a tag match half way through was stupid.

Lex Luger attacks Sarge backstage. Bagwell calls for Coach. No one wants Coach Buff!

WCW Tag Team Championship: The Perfect Event (c) vs Kevin Nash and DDP

Ric Flair comes out and tells Mike Sanders he can’t step in the ring. I’m pretty sure there is piped in crowd noise because noise is being made but no one is making it on camera. There is a “We Want Hall” chant you can hear though. The faces completely dominate early on. DDP goes for a Diamond Cutter, but immediately turns around into a kick from Palumbo. Why did DDP do a complete circle there? We are at least five minutes in and I don’t think Nash has left the apron. Got to earn that paycheck with as little work as possible. After more DDP selling, Nash finally gets the hot tag and hits normal Nash offense. The Thrillers come out, but all get taken out by DDP. Nash gets Jacknifed by Palumbo and Nash and DDP win the Titles. If you ever want to see how to go out and bury an entire faction, look up this match. Hell, look up this whole feud.

This match actually got 3 1/4 stars from Dave Meltzer. I just don’t see it. And I HATE arguing about star ratings. But this was nothing but DDP selling and Nash coming in, doing as little as possible, and picking up the win.

No Holds Barred: Goldberg vs Lex Luger

Holy shit, Michael Buffer is still getting a paycheck. But he says “Lets Bring It On” instead of “Lets Get Ready To Rumble.” Even Buffer is mentally checked out.

Luger looks like a complete doofus with his bleach blond hair. He’s also probably on a lot of steroids at this point too. I mean, when wasn’t he probably on a lot of steroids actually. Goldberg dominates early until Luger throws him into the post. Goldberg recovers and goes for a Spear. But Luger pulls the ref in front of him. Luger hits Goldberg with Brass Knucks, but behind the refs back. Even though it is no DQ. Buff hits the Blockbuster on Goldberg, but Luger tosses Buff out of the ring. That looked pretty intentional. Buff then takes out the Sarge. There is way too much going on here. Goldberg then hits a Spear and Jackhammer for the win. Buff then takes out Bagwell with a chair after. Buff leaves with Luger. I don’t know what is going on.

WCW Championship: Scott Steiner (c) vs Sid Vicious

NOW Buffer says “Lets Get Ready to Rumble.” Tony Schiavone lists all of the classic World Title bouts that have taken place at Starrcade over the years. Thankfully, he doesn’t say something stupid like “this could top all of them.”

If Steiner and Luger formed a team, would they be called “The Total Steroids Package.” Sid is wrestling in full length tights and it is throwing me off. We get a test of strength. Sid with a big boot and leg drop for two. Somewhere Hogan is filing a lawsuit. They go to the outside and Midajah takes out Sid with a lead pipe. Steiner takes over control. Back in the ring, Steiner applies the Recliner but Sid gets to the ropes. Steiner applies the Recliner again. Sid gets out, then Midajah accidentally takes out Steiner with a crossbody. Sid hits a chokeslam for two. Sid hits a Cobra Clutch Slam, but the ref gets taken out. Midajah distracts the ref, and Steiner uses the pipe. Sid kicks out. Out comes Jeff Jarrett. He accidentally takes out Steiner with a guitar. He pulls the ref out, who then ducks a Jarrett clohtesline, and gets back in to count two. Steiner then hits a T-bone suplex and applies the Recliner. Sid passes out and Steiner wins. Way too much protection with the interference for the biggest show of the year.

WCW is barely alive on life support at this point and this show proves it. They still can’t book a clean finish if their life depended on it. They haven’t given people a reason to care about the top of the mid-card. You have guys like Mike Awesome, Lance Storm, and Kidman who could be big stars in WCW but their booking has lead to people not caring. There just isn’t anything positive going on for WCW at this point.

We have three PPVs to go. Then we say goodbye.

Until Next Time,

Justin C

Follow Me On Twitter @JCWonka